My grandmother died this morning. We’ll all miss her, of course, but it’s o.k. She was ready to go. Her name was Erma Guipe, but pretty much the whole world knew her as Gran. I believe she was 92 years old, and I know she was still sharp as a tack; however, her body was failing her. In some ways, her end was the exact opposite of my Uncle Fritz who we lost a little more than two months ago. He was a failing mind inside a healthy body; whereas Gran was a healthy mind inside a failing body. Growing old, as they say, is not for the faint of heart.
I was five or six when I 
met her. She was my step-dad’s mother, and that was about the time our families merged. She always seemed tickled to recall that, when we first met, I greeted her by running up to her and giving her a hug. Kids all loved her. Everybody loved her. I don’t know that I ever heard a person speak a negative word; and if you didn’t like her, I suppose it would say more about you than about her. She wasn’t overbearingly nice or a pushover or anything. In fact she could be stern and tough as nails when the situation demanded it. The best I can describe her is that she was quick to understand a person and slow to judge.
I don’t know a great deal about her life before I ran into that front room of her house in Goshen, and gave her a hug; but my understanding is that she was about 20 or 21 when she and her husband, Hank, had my Dad. My Uncle Jack came not long after. Hank was off fighting World War II for a good bit of the early years for my Dad and Uncle Jack. Sometime over the next 10 years came three more uncles: Jim, Rick, and Tom. You can see where she developed some toughness; raising youngsters while her husband was away at war and having to corral five boys — who were, by all accounts, rambunctious sorts. Sometime in the late 60s, Hank died. Gran was a widow for about 45 years. But, she was by no means alone. At least two of her sons and, at times, three have lived in Goshen with many of the grandchildren living within several blocks of her. During the 70s and 80s, she ran a sort of a daycare. (We just called it babysitting.) I know many of those kids have kept in touch and also knew her as Gran. She never did learn how to drive. I always figured at least some part of her longevity came from the amount of walking she did. I know that, for some time, there was a Burger’s Dairy store a few blocks from her house, and she would frequently walk there and back for groceries. Of course, having sons and grandchildren nearby also facilitated this.
So, that first meeting wasn’t all hugs and happiness though. I mentioned the rambunctious uncles. The Guipe men kind of tend toward the big, gruff, and (if you don’t know them) intimidating — particularly to a sensitive, easily scared five or six year old such as myself. Gran was an island of comfort in the middle of this for me. That first visit featured one of the uncles tying my shoes together, much to my sadness and consternation. Gran kept me coming back. Along with her cooking. Year after year, she headed up Thanksgivings and Christmases, cooking for the masses. The five sons all had wives and children — if my count is right, Gran plus her sons, their wives, and their children amounts to 28 people. That’s before you get to the great grandchildren who I probably couldn’t count if I tried. But Gran could. Every year (in later years with some assistance) she has faithfully sent birthday cards to my kids. And all of the grand kids and great grand kids have had stockings that hang up at her house on Christmases. As to the food, it was all good, but I will be eternally in her debt for introducing me to ham loaf. That was on the menu with a mustard sauce every Christmas. My kids get vaguely disappointed when we’ve gone there for Thanksgiving because ham loaf isn’t on the Thanksgiving menu.
As I said, she was quick to understand a person but slow to judge. With that vast a family, she’d been through a lot. And our family members run the spectrum in terms of occupational success, run ins with the law, marital status, and just about anything else you can think of. I always got the sense that she took the measure of a person quickly and accurately. But, even so, I think she loved all of them for who they were. One year, during finals in law school, I grew a beard. It was a mangy mess of a thing, and I didn’t have any illusions about how it looked on me. After finals, I didn’t quite feel like shaving it off and was still sporting that look when I showed up at Christmas. Whereas pretty much everyone else in the family had given me varying levels of good natured crap about how I looked, Gran was rather cheerful and enthusiastic about it. I don’t think she actually thought it looked good; but she could see I was enjoying it, it wasn’t hurting anything, and so she was encouraging. (Side note: I still had the mange on my face when I met Amy a few weeks later. When I saw Amy a second time a few weeks after that, I had shaven. I figured it was the startling contrast that duped Amy into thinking I looked good; so, maybe I can thank Gran for helping me to land my wife! Amy bonded with her at my law school graduation. That they enjoyed each other’s company did not hurt my impression of Amy as a long term prospect.)
I don’t have any reason to think Gran treated me or thought of me any differently than her other grand kids. But I got the sense that she saw the good in me and was very proud of what she saw; and, at the same time, she probably recognized my negative qualities but they didn’t bother her. She’d undoubtedly seen worse. Such a person is easy to love; and that’s probably why we all did. We’ll miss you, Gran. But I’m glad you’re finally at peace.
Grandparents have a huge impact on grandchildren, a fact that is understated and under-appreciated by many. They teach you how people grow old and to love, and expect to love, people who are older. If you have a positive attitude towards old people, you can thank your grandparents. Because she loved you, you are much more likely to love other people in return. Sounds like she made a fine contribution to your life and that you can be thankful she was your grandmother.
My heartfelt condolences to you and your family.
Sorry to hear it, Doug.
Sounds like a wonderful lady who lived a wonderful life.
Great story. It must have given her great joy to see what she was leaving behind on this earth.
Sucks that she lost her husband but it sounds like everyone else picked up the slack.
I am glad to know she lived a wonderful life! I am not sure if you are like my younger brother who believes that when you die that’s a wrap, no after life or great beyond. I read a great book after my mom passed in January . a’ Neurosurgeon’s Trip to Heaven’. It’s basically about a Harvard trained neurosurgeon who loses all brain activity while in the hospital and the change in his believes when he remembers his trip to heaven after he wakes. If you ever studied string theory and black holes and the universe in general you will understand anything is possible. Your Gran and my mom are lost from this world but she is still out there in many others as well as in heaven. Heaven is far different then what the bible and other religious sects tell us. One journey is complete and she is just starting on a new one. That is what I believe! Beats the hell out of being an atheist!
Oh, I’m afraid I’m an atheist – or at least an agnostic, depending on how one defines their terms. I figure I’d best live this life with the assumption it’s the only one I get. And if I was compelled to bet on what was most likely, I’d bet on no afterlife.
Still, I appreciate the kind thought. And, if I’m wrong, I’ll join those in the afterlife with egg on my face, I suppose.
Atheist here too.
But sometimes I figure if you lived at all you live forever. Your life happened and you can’t erase it.
We just move on to the decomposition phase.
If that is what Christians call heaven then they most likely have a point.
Doug, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Gran sounds like a wonderful woman who was deeply loved and will be missed. My condolences to you and your family.
I extend my condolences, too, but I must say what a damn fine piece you wrote.
Ahhh what’s in the water up their in Lafayette that breeds all these atheist’s. :) I may have to send an email to Mitch to review Purdue’s curriculum. Ok enough with the jokes! The next time I am up in Lafayette to visit my brother Al (who is a minority owner of People’s )I will hoist a beer in the People’s (a very appropriate name for micro brewery) tasting room or have my brother bring his guitar to the Lafayette Brewing Company and play ‘Dust in the Wind’ by Kansas’ in honor of Jharp, Doug and my little brother Al. In the mean time here is a Utube version in your honor!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKtIAzU2aGE
Since science dictates that there are an infinite number of universe’s and dimensions I personally believe that this life is a one small step in my journey through eternity. I do believe in free will and everything we do in our life is not predetermined. I try my best to live my life doing the right thing.
In fact I am responsible for two of my best friends meeting their partners in life. There are 4 boys and 1 girl out of the two marriages that have both lasted over 20 plus years. All the kids are smart, engaging and college bound. I wonder where they would be if I hadn’t talked Walt into going out drinking and meeting his wife at Ike and Jonesy’s, or talking my roomate Mike into moving to the west side of Indy where he met his wife two doors down from our apartment. Interesting Walt didn’t want to go out that night and Mike ( (who has a dominant personality who always gets his way) was determined not to move from our apartment on the east side. I will believe we are here for a purpose the rest of you can say it just how life works. Well I will find out (if I don’t get mowed down by a car, truck or train ;) ) in about 45 years from now. The rest of you can raise a beer and toast life I will toast life and what’s comes next!
Lastly whatever your believe’s celebrate Gran’s life at the funeral! She touched so many life’s and hopefully made a difference for the good! The sad part in life is we all come together when someone dies! We should do it more often then with just reunions, graduations and weddings. But as a friend of mine states (that I don’t see enough) life gets in the way! A touching and wonderful tribute grandmother!
Thanks. And I agree. Funerals are for the living – to help us with our distress and to celebrate the life of the person who has died.
opps…. to your grandmother!
A nice remembrance, Doug. Bet your Gran was proud of you. Sorry for your loss. I still miss my wonderful grandparents, though they’ve all been gone for decades. Each in their own way had a big impact on the person I am today.
You’ve brought back so many fond memories for me and my siblings. We lived next to Gran on 6th st. In Goshen for 11 years and visited her even after moving away. We loved her. She was so kind and loving and caring. And we played along with the kids that she sat for.and loved the one on one attention on the weekend’s. Helping her in the yard, drinking her suntea on the patio. She will be missed. And truly she was loved by all.