AFC Championship: Colts v. Patriots today

Today is a day of bipartisanship in Indiana. Democrats and Republicans alike are in harmony. We want the Colts to beat the Patriots. Come a Super Bowl between the Chicago Bears and the Indianapolis Colts, and we may be back to partisan rivalry. But, today, the hatchet is buried. Democratic Mayor of Indianapolis, Bart Peterson has invited Republican Governor Daniels to watch the game.

Democrats are known as soft, bleeding hearts. Everybody is on edge about the tragic consequences of domestic violence and neglected children. But, I think everybody should agree: The Colts should beat on the Patriots like they’re red-headed step-children. Because, as MasterRWayne soberly observes at Stampede Blue:

This game is war! Nay, war is too light for this is a contest of two incompatibility ideals meeting upon the stage of the world. This is freedom versus slavery! Love against hate! Civilization versus barbarity! The hope of Manning versus the dark fascism of Brady! And knowledge versus ignorance itself!!!! This IS Colts vs. Patriots! And comrades… we must prevail!!!!!!

Reading Phil Richards analysis of the upcoming game, if Peyton Manning loses this one, he may as well never have played the game at all. He will be consigned to the ringless quarterback corner of the Football Hall of Fame along with Dan Fouts, Warren Moon, and Dan Marino. (I’ve never been there, but I envision it as a dank, cobwebby cellar with leaky pipes.)

But, alas, according to Boston Herald columnist Michael Felger, the Colts will not win because they hit like girls, unlike the testerone-filled freaks from Foxboro, Manly Men who do Manly Things with Other Men. According to him, the Patriots can only be stopped if the referees insist on enforcing the “rules.” I’m less concerned about losing because of Felger’s rationale and more concerned with overcoming the Kravitz jinx. He says we’ll win because we “just have to.” Last week, for example, he said we couldn’t win unless Manning played really, really well.

So, with Kravitz predicting a win, Felger saying the Patriots are more Manly, all sorts of analysts predicting a Colts victory, and all the other pre-game nonsense, we should probably just forfeit now with a quiet announcement that Peyton Manning is retiring with a humble request that all of his achievements to date be scrubbed from the record books because he has never been to a Super Bowl.

Or, you know, we could just play the game. GO COLTS!!!