Today is apparently National Coming Out Day. My thinking has really evolved over the years on the issue of gay rights. (“Gay rights” is something of a misnomer, I think — what I mean by it is basically the notion that you should treat gays with the same respect and decency that you’d show to anyone else.) I grew up thinking I was homophobic, probably into college somewhere.
Anyway, I think my evolution on the subject was triggered when I actually knew real people who were gay – gays weren’t just abstract, notional others upon whom I could project fears and prejudices. Once they were real people, I had to start thinking about them as such.
The thinking went from “gays are bad and icky; I dislike them.” To, “that guy seems pretty decent; oh, he’s gay; no skin off my nose.” After that first encounter, and the advent of Facebook, I came to learn that I knew a lot of gay men. (Oddly, the only friends I know to be lesbians are online – as opposed to in-person – acquaintances.) I suppose I don’t know what I would have done with that information had I known they were gay in high school or college or whatever. (Maybe they weren’t quite sure, themselves.) Regardless, I’m glad they are friends now. From my perspective, the value of gays “coming out” is that most of us have an easier time hating abstract strangers who are different; it’s a whole different story when it is your friends and family. Maybe when we have a more accurate idea of how many people, and who, are actually gay; we will treat the issue a little more rationally. A guy can dream anyway.
Doug,
Your evolution is similiar to mine. I grew up in rural Indiana around very prejudiced people. My racism, homophobia and bigotry followed me through law school and shortly after.
I have now purged myself of these ugly pathologies. Whether it was a spiritual conversion or a rational realization that we are all one species, homo sapien sapien, I do not know. But nothing I have ever accomplished, or may yet accomplish, is as important to me as shedding the taint of bigotry and prejudice.
Personally, I don’t think I would have used the word “encounter” lightly in a blog post concerning a subject like this. Still, preferences differ. rofl.
Doug, as one of your gay acquaintances, I thank you for your rational clear thought on so many topics. And as a friend – I hope the illness situation calms down there soon.
It’s always been amusing to me that some people can pick out a gay at first sight and then insist that homosexuality is a choice’.There’s lack of logic and consistent thinking somewhere here. We like to believe we are just following common sense no matter what we believe. Is this what ‘culture blindness’ is ?
Let me first say that there are some (many?) people who are just plain homophobes that think they can catch gayness by touching one.
That said, I know of some people, including I friend of mine who was/is gay, that claim that while sexual orientation may be genetic, it can be compared to other genetic disorders. For example, some people have a natural bent to be sexually promiscuous (and they often go into political office :)), and I know alcoholism runs in my family. That does not mean that everyone should accept cheating on a spouse as normal and acceptable behavior. People should not be hated because they believe this way, or for disagreeing with this idea.
My God tells me to treat everyone with love & respect, and I do my best to do so. Someone who is gay does not harm me in their sexual orientation, so I have no malice towards them. However, that does not mean that I have to agree with their lifestyle, any more than they have to agree with mine.
Some people claim tolerance is accepting everyone’s viewpoints as equally valid. I believe tolerance is being kind and accepting of everyone without necessarily agreeing with them.
So, Jason, if you owned a bakery, would you sell me rainbow sprinkled cookies?
Yeah, I think so, but I honestly don’t know since I don’t see myself in that situation. Been thinking about that a lot after reading about it in the paper. If it was something where I needed the money, I’m pretty sure I would. If I was already really busy & needed to stay late to decorate 1000’s of cookies for an event I didn’t care for, I could see turning the order down. I don’t think I would flatly refuse on moral grounds, it would be more a matter of how much of my time I would want to invest in it. If I had the choice between that order and an order for the Dark Sky Association, I’d turn down the job I didn’t have any personal investment in and do the IDA job.
I don’t feel that someone should be forced to do it, though. If the person was a Democrat and refused to make “Sarah 2012” cookies, they shouldn’t be condemned for that.
Nothing I read about that gave me the idea that they were refusing service because the person asking for a cookie was gay. I got the impression they were asked to make a special order that was going to be used to celebrate something they disagreed with. They should have the right to do that.
However, if their response was “We don’t serve gay people”, then I agree with everyone that says they should be kicked out of there and would think there should be some criminal or civil recourse.